Floating 

Mom and dad never taught me how to swim

They tried… Let’s be fair.

Swimming classes and family members trying to make me and my sister understand how to

 “push water back”

 “breathe properly” 

“keep moving our legs” 

I don’t know….I just never got the hang of it.

And always thought that if I never go into a water body, I’ll never drown.

Won’t have  to keep moving my legs, breathe properly or push the water back.

I did learn to float though.

Just in case.

(What an idiot)

Well turns out you can drown. Even when you’re not in water.

Even when you’re walking, working, going to college, you can drown.

Drown in the work. Drown in the tasks, the projects, practicals, Dramas, duties, ambitions, aims, etc etc

I am drowning right now.

With so much to do and so much to learn in such short span of time.

Drowning in my own expectations, own demands, own feelings, own emotions and just my own life.

And I can’t push this water back, I can’t keep breathing properly and I can’t keep moving my legs.

I don’t know how to.

(And I don’t know whether it’s even possible)

Holding on desperately to the small boulders, trees, logs which are spread through out my river of life,

But my hands hurt…. And they all almost always become too tough to hold on to. And almost always, I leave them and crash into the next thing….

Out from one rapid into the other.

But I’m done now. Done holding on. Done trying to slow my river down.

Thank God I learned how to float.

I will be floating for a bit.

Its scary, floating. You don’t know what will happen, whom/what you’ll crash into, you’re not the  master, the water guides you.

But I am assuming, that it’ll be better than drowning. Or crashing.

So I’m gonna be floating for a while. Thank God I learned how to…..

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Just Enjoy

Heyoo! Ssup?

Let’s start today’s post in a classic cable advertisment format! (Why? Well, just for fun!)

Are you bored with every task you do? Do you feel like you want to go on a long long loonnnnggg break? Do you try “new things” but still feel the “old way”? Are you feeling listless and uninspired? 

Well worry not! That’s it! Worry not! And ENJOYYYY.

What? What was that you ask? Let me explain

I used to feel the same way, I too did not want to live a boring uninspired life. But then….

I realised that….

I was forgetting to enjoy it!

(Okay, now normal tone please! :P)

With so much stuff and so many people around us, we tend to jump from one task to the other. The breaks in between are few (talking about mental breaks) and are usually consumed by different types of social media. Now by “tasks” I don’t mean only the things related to work. These tasks can be anything, from brushing your teeth to bathing, to watching TV etc. 

We often (dare I say usually) just complete what we’re doing and move on, during which we forget to enjoy! Believe it or not these mundane things can be super fun! In fact they are. It’s us who’ve lost the ability to have fun for we only either think about the million things that should be worried about or are busy in just somehow completing our daily goals one after the other. And even when we reach our “relaxation time” or something like that, we aren’t really relaxing or enjoying it. 

I am doing an internship which has me working with differently abled children. Many of them suffer from different things but they all have something in common. They enjoy like crazy when they’re playing games (or are made to think they are playing games) or doing stuff that they wanted. And they are so happy in that moment that it feels weird just looking at them. They squeal in happiness and laugh and just enjoy every second of it. 

So I took inspiration from these lovely kids and tried to enjoy. Turns out I suck at it for I have an attention span of a goldfish! But today in Yoga Camp (don’t freak out, its an online series, click here to check it out) the practice was to enjoy. That’s when I got the hang of it! And now….*sing-song* I’m standing in the rain, writing my blog, it’s sad for my phone, but I’m having funnnn! *end-sing-song*

Humans are so silly, they got a life, they got a brain, they were then placed on an amazingly big rock which is floating without any (visible) support in vacuum (or shall we say nothingness), and this rock has some really awesome features and things but they still can’t have fun and keep worrying about stuff that won’t even have a meaning after some time!

Anyways! I am disassociating with this sad and tensed human species and I’m gonna go enjoy my two baths (one in rain, and the other cause my mum will kill me if she knew I’ve been out in the rain again). You decide what you want for yourself today! 

See yaa! Bbye! 💜

P.S. I just realized that this post reminds me of a song which used to be my favorite… The Show by Lenka! (Google here I come)

Thoughts under the Moon

If only we stop humanising everything

Here I am once again, wishing for a power cut

To the streetlight I want to say goodbye

So that I’m left alone, in this light breeze and calming moonlight.

So that I forget I’m human, and I have to lead a chaotic life.

So that at the stars I can gaze, peacefully tonight.
It’s almost full moon

The sky is as clear as it can be. 

If only we stop humanising everything,

We can have moonlit silver bodies.

Maybe the stars will guide me, If I can find some in this pollution

Maybe I would’ve been free, If I wasn’t a human.

Maybe I’d have enjoyed much more, If I wasn’t human!

We ain’t dead

For all those people (and trust me there are!) who’re living under the impression that this blog is dead and it was “just a phase”, you couldn’t be more wrong! 

No we aren’t dead. We aren’t over. We were just on a break! –What up Friends reference!!! (And superwoman too! :P)

And now that we’re back, I’ll ask you one question…..What is your passion in life?

(Surprised at the question? ) From the past few weeks, this question along with others has haunted me. 

What is your passion? What d’you want to do after graduation ? Where do you want to go? How do you want to live your life? Which career do you want to pursue?

Now unlike those lucky *#*#**#* who know what they’re ” born” to do, I am as confused and as messed up as my cupboard! (Trust me there is no better analogy) How do you decide what your passion is? How can you come to the conclusion that “this” is what I’d like to do for the rest of my life and will be happy ever after! I don’t know how much I’ll like it after two years or three years. And how can you expect that my fickle brain would stay happy in that one kind of job forever?

Don’t even get me started on those preaching puckers who have their lofe set and then tell you “it’s okay to not have decisions ready at the moment, you can take time”. Both these people and theor advise are annoying! I mean yeahh I know I can take time, but will I? Don’t you know me at all? And even if I do, and I still don’t know what to do….then? 

Okay! So back to passion! How do you know what your passion is!? Do people who throw this question at everyone they see (sorry that’s what I did up there, but I hope by now you realise this is a rant!) Do you realise, only a handful of people know what their passion is? Others like us, are clueless. And happy to just have a really good pizza! 

I am honestly stumped! Please tell me you are too! And that’s a really stupid question! Whoever asked it first is dead to me! (And the rest of the world too, for that person must’ve died centuries ago!) 

But you know who isn’t dead? Me! And all of you clueless people out there! We ain’t dead. No no! We can figure stuff out (i hope). And i don’t know about you, but I’ll do everything and anything till the time I either find my “passion” or become broke or super rich. I’ll do what adriene tells me to do! I’ll find what feels good and live in the moment, experimenting thousands of things till I find the right one. (But I’ll start with the things that can make me super rich! 😛 you know, should derive something from this trial and error research!) It’s time to stop obsessing over passions and start experiments with life. 

Have a good day! Bbye!

Magic Isn’t Lost!

Magic isn’t lost!
These muggles lie
This moment, this life
Are magical, I swear.

You need to look you need to trust
Believe and respect the Universe!

Embrace the moment and never forget
You’re a stack of meat and bones
Walking on a flying planet!

These muggles they’ll tell you
Get real, grow up
They do that, you see
They’ve been duped by situations.

But magic is here,
It’s not difficult to find
Your eyes can see it
Try changing your mind!

And when you find it,
Enjoy till you drop,
And then tell your friends,
That magic isn’t lost..

(Photograph : Aakriti Hans)

Aprajita Rana

Find What Feels Good

Do you ever wake up with an inner conflict that has you torn between whether to enjoy your life, be where you are or whether to GO OUT and get out of your comfort zone?

Well, surprisingly, I do.

I used to hate both these “philosophies”. Both contradicting each other but both claiming to help you improve your life, find yourself, and what not. But it turns out I had both of them wrong….

For me getting out of your comfort zone meant forcing yourself to do things in ways you don’t want to. Trying everything and anything. Whereas loving what you have right now meant being happy with what you have and just flowing through life without wanting more.

Now it may be that I misinterpreted both these school of thoughts, or it may be that the innumerable self help sites which force their opinion on you, do not delve much into their meanings. Nonetheless, I think I had an epiphany today…

So I wake up today sick and feeling awful. Cold, cough, and all the irritants that occupy this condition were dragging me down. I desperately wanted to feel better and be able to go to college, so I did what I do when I’m clueless. Yoga.

This post is not about yoga or its benefits. So don’t worry I will not list a 1000 reasons to practice yoga whether you want to or not.

Anyways, I like the fact that I can get my mind off things when I do some routines so usually when I do not feel “hippie”, I find a yoga for that situation. Sure enough, it was ” yoga for when you are sick” today. And like all the other times, Google (God bless for Google), listed a million links and videos which had the power to help me (no matter how remotely).

This is where my conflict or rather internal argument began. There is this one yoga channel that I absolutely love (Yoga with Adriene) and I love to explore new videos and routines she posts. Ofcourse there was a yoga routine for when you’re sick. And it began,
“I am too comfortable with Adriene now, shouldn’t I explore more channels? See what they have to offer”
“But Adriene’s the best. Other channels are boring and monotonous, you know it…”
“Yeah, but I haven’t tried all of them yet, let’s try a new instructor today”.

So the get out of you comfort zone department won, and I was trying to follow a different channel which I could only bear for 5 mins and was back with Adriene after that.

Sad on my inability to try out new stuff, it finally hit me….

Both these philosophies are same in their basic meaning. Find what feels good. (Something that Adriene keeps reinforcing and reminding us in every video).

Both the thoughts want us to explore new things. Where the first tells us to go and try things which intrigue us and not be afraid to step out of the routine, the other tells us to explore new areas in things we love already.

They both want us to explore and find new stuff that we can genuinely enjoy. In other words, FIND WHAT FEELS GOOD.

So if I like coffee, I don’t have to force myself to have tea every morning. I am allowed to enjoy my coffee. Maybe try different forma of it and see which one I love. And if, someday, a type of tea, say green tea, intrigues us, makes us think,
“Yeah, I’d like to know how it tastes” …we should go and try it.

And there you have it. My brain’s bs out on this blog. Now I don’t know what makes sense and what does not, for I am sick and not in my senses. But all I want to say is, find what feels good and have fun.
Bbye! 🙂

Aprajita Rana

Onism

But I am stuck here with one vessel
Finite, in an infinite world.

The morning sky
The wet grass
They’re infinite.

In number, in presence
In space and being
They are uninhibited.

Onism*, sorrow,
A nagging feeling
I am not enough
To live and see
All the gardens, animals and trees.

I wish I had 10-20 bodies
I could’ve gone and seen much more
But I am stuck here with one vessel
Finite, in an infinite world.

 

(*Onism :the frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time.
This poem was inspired by a YouTube video which I happened to watch the other day for I was intrigued by the title. Click here to watch it)

Picture Credits: AAKRITI HANS

To work or not to work

 

Work. Your late. Run.
Sit. Concentrate. But do have fun.
Enjoy what you do.
Do what you love.
Be focussed, be attentive,
Be mindful now.

But tell me really honestly!
How many of these can I really be?
If I’m so restarained
How can I be free?
If I’m so worried,
When will I be happy?

Advices from here and there too
Ways and methods to “be you”
Tips to live and tips to explore
The inner self, the very core.

But what if all this is overrated,
Why work so hard
When you can be satiated
With a good book and coffee
With little stillness and a good sleep
Dolce Far Niente*
Doing nothing
Not really surviving, just being.

*Dolce Far Niente, loosly translated to the sweetness of doing nothing is a famous poem by Paul Hamilton Hayne. These words also feature in the famous movie Eat Pray Love. This post is what I felt when I was reminded of this phrase yesterday. Thank you for your time, have a nice day, keep smiling 🙂

Aprajita Rana

Cage

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What a paradoxical being a human is!
It craves for freedom when in a cage
And makes a cage when it’s essentially free.

One bar of this cage is their workplace
And diligently it works on this everyday!
Another is it’s so called home
This bar is the heart of our comfort zone.

Most of the others are this virtual world
Where every second a new lie takes birth.
The strongest bar yet, is our fellow human beings
Who bound us with the strongest of strings.

And in these bond it will spend all it’s life!
Adding to its cage a mesh of worries and strife!
And then when the soul will wish to leave
It will have but one regret, but one wish
To go back and free itself, from all the bonds so carefully made
And LIVE life not survive each day.

Aprajita Rana

I know this! Sorry!

Did you know?
There is a small band like thing in our brain called corpus callosum. It connects the two hemisphere. If damaged, the person will suffer from alien hand syndrome (AHS). In this, one of the hands gets a mind of it’s own. It grabs things without your command, slaps random people around you, infact it has been reported by one of the victims that her left hand tried to murder her when she was sleeping. She had to fight and restrain it.

It’s crazy isn’t it….How there is so much that we don’t know!? And how there is so much we don’t want to know!

I remember being this curious kid….who needed to know new stories and things and facts. Then I would come home and narrate my new foundings to as many people as I could rope in. I never understood how can people not jump around like maniacs having gained these snippets of information!!  How can you not feel amazed on finding out that a lion sleeps for 20 hours a day… Or that the word “salary” stemmed from “salt” (it meant the amount a soldier needs to buy salt, an essential but expensive comodity in Ancient Rome)!?

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Now… it’s a completely different story. I understand now how my victims used to feel. Much ahead of me in time and age, they had already learned that if a piece of information does not fetch you marks or money, it’s mostly useless. There’s no profit in being curious. Also the information that does fetch you marks is a necessity. You cannot enjoy it!!! No no! It’s just to be learned and secretly blamed for forcing you to work.

I understand all this now. I’m an adult. Much much mature. So to swoon over the fact that it was infact World War II which popularised the belief that our environment influences our behaviour (just something our psychology professors bore us with) is irrational, and childish!
 
But I still do! I still am happy to find this out. Maybe people like me never learn! After 12 years of school trying to teach me just to get marks and be done with it, I’m still here feeling glad that I know crocodiles are cannibals.

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