Mom and dad never taught me how to swim

They tried… Let’s be fair.

Swimming classes and family members trying to make me and my sister understand how to

 “push water back”

 “breathe properly” 

“keep moving our legs” 

I don’t know….I just never got the hang of it.

And always thought that if I never go into a water body, I’ll never drown.

Won’t have  to keep moving my legs, breathe properly or push the water back.

I did learn to float though.

Just in case.

(What an idiot)

Well turns out you can drown. Even when you’re not in water.

Even when you’re walking, working, going to college, you can drown.

Drown in the work. Drown in the tasks, the projects, practicals, Dramas, duties, ambitions, aims, etc etc

I am drowning right now.

With so much to do and so much to learn in such short span of time.

Drowning in my own expectations, own demands, own feelings, own emotions and just my own life.

And I can’t push this water back, I can’t keep breathing properly and I can’t keep moving my legs.

I don’t know how to.

(And I don’t know whether it’s even possible)

Holding on desperately to the small boulders, trees, logs which are spread through out my river of life,

But my hands hurt…. And they all almost always become too tough to hold on to. And almost always, I leave them and crash into the next thing….

Out from one rapid into the other.

But I’m done now. Done holding on. Done trying to slow my river down.

Thank God I learned how to float.

I will be floating for a bit.

Its scary, floating. You don’t know what will happen, whom/what you’ll crash into, you’re not the  master, the water guides you.

But I am assuming, that it’ll be better than drowning. Or crashing.

So I’m gonna be floating for a while. Thank God I learned how to…..


There’s Something Inside Me

There’s  something inside me that refuses to come clean

There’s something inside me that i cannot explain but feel

This something  is scared of innumerable things

Of future, of life, of living beings. 
There’s something inside me 

Everyday it screams 

I try but cannot understand  its needs. 

It shouts and shouts and affects  me deeply 

But this something  is not definable with the words of my dictionary. 
Every thing I do every step I take

Is influenced by something beyond my control

This something powerful yet it refuses to be identified  at all. 
Please leave you’re  hurting  me

Something  go away. 

Leave me and never find your way back here. 

The Truth About PMS

I’m no doctor. Neither an expert on the matters of women’s health or anything of such sort. I am merely a person plagued every month by the henious and flagitious PMS, which infact makes me wayyyy more qualified than any of those well read quacks who throw unsolicited advices on “what to do during such a time” towards you like their morning excretory routines would not be completed if they don’t give atleast 150 advices per day!😾
(Also, statutory warning: I will exaggerate)

You have probably seen many a sitcoms throw around “maybe it’s that time of the month” callously at certain reaction the protagonist shows like slight hints of irritation or rather an unexpected rage. But you know what!? If it really is that time of the month….I should tell you….I, and all others like me, are the last ones in this whole wide world that you should mess with! For PMS is not just feeling uneasy or irritated…it is torture. And if you do decide to push your luck….you might just get out, feeling as if burning coal tar was slowly poured all over you, and your screams relished to the fullest, while taking great care only to strech your pain limit and not kill or critically injure you. (Trust me I am grinning from ear to ear right now)

Just! Just tell me one simple thing! My body is already trying to manage the excess of LH, FSH, Estrogen and Progesterone! As if these horrible, atrocious hormones weren’t enough, my body’s temperature has decided to get high! My uterus is throwing little sample cramps now and then, while I feel as if  an extra layer of giddy-giddy something has been inserted under my skin! ( in the terms of well read quacks… This is called bloating)
So WHYYYYY ….why should I bear your stupidity!? I might have ignored this, but now, no one in the history of torture’s been tortured by torture like the torture you’ll be tortured with. ( yess….whatup supernatural/crowley- my favorite demon- reference)

I’m really not promoting any stereotypes here now. I am telling you the absolute truth. Don’t tell me to divert my mind….I am not a superhero…don’t give me a bucket of “it will pass” crap, because I know that!! I am not dumb, you fool! And guess what?….chocolate doesn’t help! I like it because unlike you, it’s pleasant to be with!! Honestly, what are you on!???

But having said all that, on a serious note…yes, all this IS really annoying. And if you are experiencing it, two things girl,
1) You are not alone.
Speaking not only the fact that millions of others are travelling in the same boat as you, but also just look around, all these people who are bearing you right now, really love you! And they are here in this hell with you…so hang in there.

2) Take it easy.
Take this time to give yourself all that you deserve. Indulge in decadent deserts and have a long bath, watch the movie you planned to or listen to some quality music on long walks. Write…..read…do anything and everything that makes you feel better. Hell, cry it out! Make it an emotional catharsis if you feel like it. It’s YOUR time. Don’t take too much stress, and just take a break!

It is tough; I mean judge from the way this blog is written….mood swings are real….all the other things are real, and nothing other than accepting it can be done.
So you know what….enjoy your PMS! Shout at people you hate….get in a fight, and blame it all on this stupid thing!!

I hope if you were feeling any of this today, you feel better. If you are one of those girls who “don’t get” pms….I hope I will be there tonight, to haunt your dreams!
And to all others, I hope you enjoyed reading this insightful piece and will be careful now.
Thanks for stopping by šŸ™‚