There’s Something Inside Me

There’s  something inside me that refuses to come clean

There’s something inside me that i cannot explain but feel

This something  is scared of innumerable things

Of future, of life, of living beings. 
There’s something inside me 

Everyday it screams 

I try but cannot understand  its needs. 

It shouts and shouts and affects  me deeply 

But this something  is not definable with the words of my dictionary. 
Every thing I do every step I take

Is influenced by something beyond my control

This something powerful yet it refuses to be identified  at all. 
Please leave you’re  hurting  me

Something  go away. 

Leave me and never find your way back here. 

How are you?

Heyoo! How are you?

No, really, think about it? How are you?

Isn’t it such a simple and overused question? We meet some one and it’s one of the first thing we ask….

“Hello, how are you?” Or “Heyy, ssup? How’s it going?” Or “How’ve you been?” Or in Hindi “kaise ho?” (Or maybe if you’re Joey from friends you’ll ask “How you doin?” :P)

Funny thing is, just like the question, the answer too is meaningless. Nobody actually “answers” this question. At least not in the first go, not even to our closest of friends….at most if you’ve been kinda “sucky”, you’ll probably give a reply which is a variable of ” meh!” 

But today, I heard the weirdest and yet one of the most profound reply to it. 

In my internship today I was working in Speech Therapy, observing the therapy sessions of young kids. So this young boy of around 6 walks in. Shy kid all smiling and hiding behind his mother. My supervisor welcomed the kid and started off with pretty basic stuff. Called the kid forward, said hello, asked his name, asked him to greet everyone etc. Moving on, next question, “How are you?” And suddenly, the kid says “I’m Happy”. Everyone started laughing. My supervisor tried to gently tell him, ” It’s good that you’re happy baby, in fact we can see that, but reply to the greeting properly. How are you?” She asked again. And again that kid said “I’m happy”.

She asked him this question four times and that kid did not change his reply even after prompting. (Hats off to the persistence though!) 

Up until an hour ago, I did not pay much attention to this incident. But then one of my friend whom I was chatting with after a long time asked me, ” how are you?” And I couldn’t help but smile at the memory of that kid, insisting that he is indeed happy!

Well, even though this was not the reply we were seeking, there is a certain honesty and depth to it. Isn’t it amazing that as kids humans know what happiness is and above that, they are not afraid to show it? 

This incident also made me wonder another thing, why do we ask this question when we are not ready for the real answer, negative or positive!? 

Anyways, this question for me will never have the same meaning. 

I hope that this kid’s answer always remains the same. And I also hope that someday, I too will say “I’m Happy” to this prosaic and mundane question, and mean it! 

Okay! See you later! Bbye!

Just Enjoy

Heyoo! Ssup?

Let’s start today’s post in a classic cable advertisment format! (Why? Well, just for fun!)

Are you bored with every task you do? Do you feel like you want to go on a long long loonnnnggg break? Do you try “new things” but still feel the “old way”? Are you feeling listless and uninspired? 

Well worry not! That’s it! Worry not! And ENJOYYYY.

What? What was that you ask? Let me explain

I used to feel the same way, I too did not want to live a boring uninspired life. But then….

I realised that….

I was forgetting to enjoy it!

(Okay, now normal tone please! :P)

With so much stuff and so many people around us, we tend to jump from one task to the other. The breaks in between are few (talking about mental breaks) and are usually consumed by different types of social media. Now by “tasks” I don’t mean only the things related to work. These tasks can be anything, from brushing your teeth to bathing, to watching TV etc. 

We often (dare I say usually) just complete what we’re doing and move on, during which we forget to enjoy! Believe it or not these mundane things can be super fun! In fact they are. It’s us who’ve lost the ability to have fun for we only either think about the million things that should be worried about or are busy in just somehow completing our daily goals one after the other. And even when we reach our “relaxation time” or something like that, we aren’t really relaxing or enjoying it. 

I am doing an internship which has me working with differently abled children. Many of them suffer from different things but they all have something in common. They enjoy like crazy when they’re playing games (or are made to think they are playing games) or doing stuff that they wanted. And they are so happy in that moment that it feels weird just looking at them. They squeal in happiness and laugh and just enjoy every second of it. 

So I took inspiration from these lovely kids and tried to enjoy. Turns out I suck at it for I have an attention span of a goldfish! But today in Yoga Camp (don’t freak out, its an online series, click here to check it out) the practice was to enjoy. That’s when I got the hang of it! And now….*sing-song* I’m standing in the rain, writing my blog, it’s sad for my phone, but I’m having funnnn! *end-sing-song*

Humans are so silly, they got a life, they got a brain, they were then placed on an amazingly big rock which is floating without any (visible) support in vacuum (or shall we say nothingness), and this rock has some really awesome features and things but they still can’t have fun and keep worrying about stuff that won’t even have a meaning after some time!

Anyways! I am disassociating with this sad and tensed human species and I’m gonna go enjoy my two baths (one in rain, and the other cause my mum will kill me if she knew I’ve been out in the rain again). You decide what you want for yourself today! 

See yaa! Bbye! 💜

P.S. I just realized that this post reminds me of a song which used to be my favorite… The Show by Lenka! (Google here I come)

Motivation For you and for I

Hey there.

If you’re having a hard time and feeling lost…I just want to say, Don’t give up just yet. Seriously! Don’t! I know you’ve heard this billions of time and probably told yourself this billions of time but listen to it once again. Tell yourself this once again. You’ll probably say it’s crazy tough to keep going on, well that’s only true if you believe it to be true. 

Let the anxiety and negativity go. Let the feeling that you’re failing go. Let the expectations you have from yourself go. And you, you keep going on. 

Anf if you’re in the same boat as me, lost, confused, and somewhat screwed. Don’t fear! Dig deep! Organise! Believe! And start what you want to! Do what you need to! Be what you have to! And don’t stop until the thing that you wish for is right in front of you.

Pretty soon this phase will go away. (Or atleast change) and then you’ll be happy that you did not lose spirit. 

But most of all. Stop being so serious! Enjoy where you’re at! Find what feels good! And all will be well!💜

Scary Brain.

Human brain is the scariest thing. It can make up anything and everything. Make us believe anything and everything. Sometimes I go for a stroll on the roof of my house at night and an uncanny feeling sets in. A feeling that there’s a ghost or a dead thing like a zombie behind me. It’s creeping up to me….silently. And any second i will grab or tap my shoulder and I’ll be facing an ugly creepy face. 

Basically I feel like I’m in any standard horror movie. 

Of course I know it’s all a figment of my imagination. I know that full well. My conscious brain knows the truth. But still, like a crazy person, my neck does prickle. My knees do feel a little weak and I get minor goosebumps. And still almost 8 times out of 10, I do turn around to check and I do finish my walk and rush downstairs at full speed. 

It’s weird isn’t it? But to my defense, there’s this really shady corner besides my roof where all kinds of shadows are formed. 

And that’s not all my brain does. Sometimes I have full fledged arguments! With people of my imagination, or people doing stuff in my imagination. Sometimes I even make myself cry just by thinking various things. 

I know all this is pretty common (esp with people having overactive imagination like mine). But that’s the scary part. The fact that this…this weird power of human brain is common. The fact that our brains can control us if we don’t pay attention, and make us feel and believe things that don’t exist. 

If we were to notice, we’d see that all these automatic thoughts are usually those which either scare us or prepare us from things that don’t exist. 

It’s good that now I know that my brain is playing tricks. I can rationalise with it much better. I can contradict it much better. But what of those millions who don’t realise that it’s not the “other” or the “world” that’s harmful for most of the time its their own self.

A Love Letter to Rain

Dear Rain

I’ve been calling you. 

Again and again and again.

I know you’ve been busy flirting with the clouds. But they always ditch you don’t they? Throw you to the earth mercilessly! Can’t you see how dark they are?

Why don’t you get it? It’s us who love you! Who miss you. It’s us who despite our miserable existence lighten up when you rustle the leaves of our trees! It’s us who stay ready with pakoras and tea to welcome you to our humble aboard! And yet you go away! 

Do you know what the heat’s been doing? It’s killing people. Making us mad! Making us angry and sad! Everything is burned! 

Stay today rain. Heal us. Cool us down. Make the winds dance and make the drops drizzle. But don’t cause destruction. Don’t be angry today for we can use some love and happiness. In fact, we need a day out with our loved ones, just enough for a lovely coffee. 

We love you rain (well those of us who’re sane!). So please stay. Stay for a while. It’s good to have you here! You’re the best!

Love

A rain-crazed earthling! 💜

Another I’m back!

This is another I’m back…For I’m back again!

Yup! Exams done. I’m free. Though I think I have a weird form of writer’s block….for instance, I don’t write anymore for barely am I struck woth epiphanies or other crazy thoughts….but like that can stop me from continuing this blog! 

Writing for me is life. I may take a break. I may discontinue for weeks and months but I will always come back. And I will always keep posting The “I’m Back” posts. That’s just how stuff is going to be. 

Anyways, those who know me can give validation to the fact that I’M THE MOST INDISCIPLINED person on the face of this earth (exaggerated…. But yeah. I lack discipline!!). And recently I’ve realised that it is an essential quality which is required for success in any field. So I’ve been trying (mostly in vain) to cultivate discipline. Thus it only makes sense that I do so in terms of writing as well. 

So here’s the plan! I’ll write atleast two posts every week for a month that is July 4 (Preferably on wed and sun) on any topic. Maybe just a couplet. But I will post something.  To improve my writing, remove this block and be more disciplined. And you….you can just comment and let me know how much that sucked! 

(Kidding, I won’t approve negative comments anyway! 😂😂)

Well that’s it for today. See ya! Bbye! 💜

A Time Like This

Cool eastern winds,

Playing with the green leaves,

Bringing respite to the scorching April heat.

The sky is a light blue,

Like a calm milky sea,

But the sun is trying to break the dawn

And turn yellow everything.

The air has a little hint of petrichor

And my sleepy head is wrapped comfortably in it

If I could stop time, it’d be a time like this…..

(21/4/2017…7Am, Delhi)

Thoughts under the Moon

Here I am once again, wishing for a power cut

To the streetlight I want to say goodbye

So that I’m left alone, in this light breeze and calming moonlight.

So that I forget I’m human, and I have to lead a chaotic life.

So that at the stars I can gaze, peacefully tonight.
It’s almost full moon

The sky is as clear as it can be. 

If only we stop humanising everything,

We can have moonlit silver bodies.

Maybe the stars will guide me, If I can find some in this pollution

Maybe I would’ve been free, If I wasn’t a human.

Maybe I’d have enjoyed much more, If I wasn’t human!

We ain’t dead

For all those people (and trust me there are!) who’re living under the impression that this blog is dead and it was “just a phase”, you couldn’t be more wrong! 

No we aren’t dead. We aren’t over. We were just on a break! –What up Friends reference!!! (And superwoman too! :P)

And now that we’re back, I’ll ask you one question…..What is your passion in life?

(Surprised at the question? ) From the past few weeks, this question along with others has haunted me. 

What is your passion? What d’you want to do after graduation ? Where do you want to go? How do you want to live your life? Which career do you want to pursue?

Now unlike those lucky *#*#**#* who know what they’re ” born” to do, I am as confused and as messed up as my cupboard! (Trust me there is no better analogy) How do you decide what your passion is? How can you come to the conclusion that “this” is what I’d like to do for the rest of my life and will be happy ever after! I don’t know how much I’ll like it after two years or three years. And how can you expect that my fickle brain would stay happy in that one kind of job forever?

Don’t even get me started on those preaching puckers who have their lofe set and then tell you “it’s okay to not have decisions ready at the moment, you can take time”. Both these people and theor advise are annoying! I mean yeahh I know I can take time, but will I? Don’t you know me at all? And even if I do, and I still don’t know what to do….then? 

Okay! So back to passion! How do you know what your passion is!? Do people who throw this question at everyone they see (sorry that’s what I did up there, but I hope by now you realise this is a rant!) Do you realise, only a handful of people know what their passion is? Others like us, are clueless. And happy to just have a really good pizza! 

I am honestly stumped! Please tell me you are too! And that’s a really stupid question! Whoever asked it first is dead to me! (And the rest of the world too, for that person must’ve died centuries ago!) 

But you know who isn’t dead? Me! And all of you clueless people out there! We ain’t dead. No no! We can figure stuff out (i hope). And i don’t know about you, but I’ll do everything and anything till the time I either find my “passion” or become broke or super rich. I’ll do what adriene tells me to do! I’ll find what feels good and live in the moment, experimenting thousands of things till I find the right one. (But I’ll start with the things that can make me super rich! 😛 you know, should derive something from this trial and error research!) It’s time to stop obsessing over passions and start experiments with life. 

Have a good day! Bbye!